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<h2>Understanding the Link Between Reactivity and the Nervous System</h2>

<p>Our nervous system is a complex network that governs how we respond to the world around us. It's responsible for everything from coordinating muscle movements to processing sensory information. But beyond these physical responses, the nervous system plays a crucial role in how we react emotionally and psychologically to various stimuli, a process often referred to as reactivity. In this post, we'll delve into the intricate relationship between reactivity, the nervous system, and trauma, shedding light on how these elements interact and influence our behavior.</p>

<figure id="figure-gchn1lffv6lpzlff15"><img id="gchn1lffv6lpzlff15" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1583325033548-1eeacdb0b16e?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwyMnx8bmVydm91cyUyMHN5c3RlbSUyMGlsbHVzdHJhdGlvbnxlbnwwfHx8fDE3MDIyMTkzMTF8MA&ixlib=rb-4.0.3&q=80&w=1080" alt="nervous system illustration" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9"></figure>

<h3>The Nervous System: A Primer</h3>

<p>The nervous system is divided into two main parts: the central nervous system (CNS), comprising the brain and spinal cord, and the peripheral nervous system (PNS), which includes all other neural elements. The PNS can be further divided into the autonomic nervous system, which controls involuntary functions like heartbeat and digestion, and the somatic nervous system, which manages voluntary muscle movements. Reactivity is often attributed to the autonomic nervous system, particularly the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches, which regulate our fight-or-flight and rest-and-digest responses, respectively.</p>

<h3>Reactivity and Its Manifestations</h3>

<p>Reactivity refers to the way in which we respond to stress, threat, or trauma. When faced with a perceived danger, our sympathetic nervous system kicks into high gear, preparing the body for action. This can manifest as an increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and heightened alertness – our body's way of preparing to either confront the threat or escape it. Conversely, when the threat passes, the parasympathetic nervous system helps to calm the body down, promoting rest and recovery.</p>

<figure id="figure-3nlj0aud7blpzlfwkb"><img id="3nlj0aud7blpzlfwkb" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1527733656522-3ba38b372dea?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwyMHx8ZmlnaHQlMjBvciUyMGZsaWdodCUyMHJlc3BvbnNlfGVufDB8fHx8MTcwMjIxOTMzNHww&ixlib=rb-4.0.3&q=80&w=1080" alt="fight or flight response" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9"></figure>

<h3>The Impact of Trauma on Reactivity</h3>

<p>Trauma can significantly affect how our nervous system responds to future stressors. When an individual experiences a traumatic event, their nervous system may become hyper-vigilant, remaining in a constant state of alertness as a protective measure. This heightened reactivity can lead to a range of symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including flashbacks, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping. Trauma can essentially "rewire" the brain, making the individual more susceptible to being triggered by events that remind them of the original trauma.</p>

<h2>Neuroplasticity and Healing from Trauma</h2>

<p>Fortunately, the brain possesses a remarkable quality known as neuroplasticity – the ability to form new neural connections throughout life. This means that with proper therapy and support, individuals can retrain their nervous systems to respond to stimuli in a healthier, less reactive way. Techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness practices can be effective in helping individuals recover from trauma and reduce their reactivity.</p>

<figure id="figure-7rpst1kadqlpzlg8w5"><img id="7rpst1kadqlpzlg8w5" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1699364911333-fe80fc18845c?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxOXx8bmV1cm9wbGFzdGljaXR5JTIwY29uY2VwdHxlbnwwfHx8fDE3MDIyMTkzNTB8MA&ixlib=rb-4.0.3&q=80&w=1080" alt="neuroplasticity concept" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9"></figure>

<h3>Strategies for Managing Reactivity</h3>

<ol>
  <li><strong>Mindfulness and Meditation:</strong> These practices can help individuals become more aware of their reactions and learn to calm their nervous system in the moment.</li>
  <li><strong>Breathing Exercises:</strong> Deep, controlled breathing can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and reducing the intensity of the reactive response.</li>
  <li><strong>Physical Exercise:</strong> Regular physical activity can help regulate the nervous system and improve resilience to stress.</li>
</ol>

<p>By incorporating these strategies into their daily lives, individuals can improve their ability to manage reactivity and enhance their overall well-being.</p>

<h3>The Role of Support Systems in Recovery</h3>

<p>Healing from trauma and managing reactivity is not a journey that should be undertaken alone. The support of friends, family, and mental health professionals can provide the necessary encouragement and guidance. Building a strong support system can help individuals feel more secure and less threatened by external stressors, thus reducing reactivity.</p>

<figure id="figure-vz09cwhir7lpzlgjmr"><img id="vz09cwhir7lpzlgjmr" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1573733006032-596753a58738?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwyMHx8c3VwcG9ydCUyMHN5c3RlbXxlbnwwfHx8fDE3MDIyMTkzNjR8MA&ixlib=rb-4.0.3&q=80&w=1080" alt="support system" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9"></figure>

<h3>Moving Forward: Reactivity, Resilience, and Growth</h3>

<p>Understanding the relationship between reactivity, the nervous system, and trauma is the first step towards healing and growth. By recognizing the signs of heightened reactivity and seeking appropriate help, individuals can work towards developing greater resilience and a more balanced response to stress. The journey may be challenging, but with the right tools and support, it is possible to retrain the nervous system and lead a fulfilling life, free from the constraints of past trauma.</p>

<p>Remember, reactivity is a natural part of being human, but it doesn't have to dictate our lives. With patience and perseverance, we can learn to navigate our reactions and cultivate a sense of calm and control.</p>

Reactivity, the nervous system and trauma

<h2>Understanding the Concept of 'Mapping Your Parts'</h2><p>Using an online 'sandtray', i can map your parts.&nbsp;</p><p>The journey towards personal growth and self-discovery often involves understanding the different facets of our personality. 'Mapping your parts' is a technique derived from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy that allows individuals to visualize and engage with the various 'parts' or subpersonalities that make up their psyche. This process can lead to greater self-awareness, healing, and the harmonization of internal conflicts.
</p><figure id="figure-42il78qxfllq01155g"><img id="42il78qxfllq01155g" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1621825348610-c83981a5a924?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwyMXx8cGVyc29uYWxpdHklMjBmYWNldHN8ZW58MHx8fHwxNzAyMjQ1NTE5fDA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" alt="personality facets" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" data-mce-src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1621825348610-c83981a5a924?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwyMXx8cGVyc29uYWxpdHklMjBmYWNldHN8ZW58MHx8fHwxNzAyMjQ1NTE5fDA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></figure><h3>What Are 'Parts' in the Context of Self?</h3><p>
In the context of 'mapping your parts,' each 'part' represents a distinct persona within us, complete with its own desires, fears, and functions. These parts develop over time, often as a response to life experiences and emotional wounds. They can manifest as the inner critic, the caretaker, the perfectionist, and many other roles that influence our thoughts and behaviors.
</p><h3>Benefits of Mapping Your Parts</h3><p>
<strong>Mapping your parts</strong> is not just an exercise in self-reflection; it has tangible benefits for mental health and well-being. It can help individuals understand the sources of their emotions and behaviors, recognize internal patterns that may be causing distress, and foster compassion towards oneself. This process can also aid in resolving inner conflicts and promoting a more cohesive sense of self.
</p><figure id="figure-yt1wasrwwgslq011gte"><img id="yt1wasrwwgslq011gte" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1500904156668-758cff89dcff?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxOHx8bWVudGFsJTIwd2VsbC1iZWluZ3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3MDIyNDU1MzR8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" alt="mental well-being" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" data-mce-src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1500904156668-758cff89dcff?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxOHx8bWVudGFsJTIwd2VsbC1iZWluZ3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3MDIyNDU1MzR8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></figure><h3>How to Begin Mapping Your Parts</h3><p>
The first step in mapping your parts is to identify and acknowledge the different subpersonalities within you. This can be done through journaling, meditation, or therapy sessions. It's important to approach this process with an open mind and a non-judgmental attitude, as some parts may carry negative emotions or painful memories.
</p><h3>Creating Your Map</h3><p>
Once you've identified your parts, you can start creating your map. This can be as simple or as detailed as you like, using drawings, diagrams, or lists. Each part should be represented, along with its roles, characteristics, and how it interacts with other parts. This visual representation serves as a tool for deeper understanding and communication with your internal system.
</p><figure id="figure-lholluqwg9lq011onr"><img id="lholluqwg9lq011onr" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1488628176578-4ffd5fdbc900?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNnx8Y3JlYXRpdmUlMjBtaW5kJTIwbWFwfGVufDB8fHx8MTcwMjI0NTU0NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" alt="creative mind map" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" data-mce-src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1488628176578-4ffd5fdbc900?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNnx8Y3JlYXRpdmUlMjBtaW5kJTIwbWFwfGVufDB8fHx8MTcwMjI0NTU0NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></figure><h3>Working with Your Parts</h3><p>
With your map in hand, you can begin the work of engaging with your parts. This involves dialoguing with them, understanding their intentions, and negotiating their roles within your internal system. It's essential to approach each part with curiosity and empathy, as every part has a positive intent, even if its actions may not always be beneficial.
</p><h3>Seeking Professional Guidance</h3><p>
While mapping your parts can be a self-led activity, it's often beneficial to seek the guidance of a therapist, especially one trained in IFS or similar modalities. A professional can provide support, help navigate difficult emotions, and offer insights that may not be apparent when working alone.
</p><h3>Integrating Your Parts into a Harmonious Whole</h3><p>
The ultimate goal of mapping your parts is to achieve greater harmony within your internal system. This means recognizing the value of each part, finding balance, and allowing your true Self to lead with compassion and confidence. As you become more familiar with your parts and their dynamics, you'll likely experience a greater sense of inner peace and personal empowerment.
</p><figure id="figure-tp4f7tm8nelq0121p3"><img id="tp4f7tm8nelq0121p3" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1601021579184-5b2879507021?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw1fHxpbm5lciUyMGhhcm1vbnl8ZW58MHx8fHwxNzAyMjQ1NTYxfDA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" alt="inner harmony" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" data-mce-src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1601021579184-5b2879507021?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw1fHxpbm5lciUyMGhhcm1vbnl8ZW58MHx8fHwxNzAyMjQ1NTYxfDA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></figure><h3>Continuing the Journey</h3><p>
Mapping your parts is not a one-time event; it's an ongoing process of self-discovery and personal development. As you grow and change, so too will your internal landscape. Regularly revisiting and updating your map can help you stay in tune with yourself and navigate life's challenges with greater ease and self-awareness.
</p>

Mapping your parts

<h2>Software and Hardware</h2><p>I've developed a focused passion for seeing psychological therapy through the lens of 'trauma' in the light on people like Bessel Van Der Kolk and Gabor Māte who see most emotional and relational problems as a product of emotional trauma, beginning in childhood.&nbsp;</p><p>Our attachment years growing up are significant, even if we have PTSD from a big-T trauma in our adult lives. Our feelings are 'young' in many ways and these parts can be easily wounded. So modern therapy integrates Internal Family Systems (or 'parts') therapy with attachment-focused EMDR. These therapies reconnect you with your self and process and befriend root causes.&nbsp;</p><p class="brz-fss-lg-px brz-fw-lg-400 brz-ls-lg-0 brz-lh-lg-1_3 brz-tp-lg-empty brz-ff-overpass brz-ft-google brz-fs-lg-20 brz-css-tfcli"><span class="brz-cp-color3">I love stories and i'm on the panel of The Orwell Prize for Dystopian Fiction for 2024 and I believe in the power of processing your stories. And yet often we get stuck with old narratives of our selves. It's like we have old software running an old programme in our nervous system. &nbsp;Sometimes these stories become sick and show up as 'symptoms'. For example panic disorder can be 'old software on repeat'. </span>How do we fix the panic? We connect with it and give it a hug. We unburden the panic using EMDR and reset the software.&nbsp;<br><br></p><figure id="figure-92vsa6rhw6lpzl3onl"><iframe id="92vsa6rhw6lpzl3onl" class="w-full h-80 bg-gray-100" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></iframe></figure><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Moreover, sometimes these sort of symptoms (ADD, OCD, PTSD) belong to generations going way back in your family system. Abuses, abandonments, neglect can be handed down like the 'sins of the father'. I use protocols for pre-verbal trauma and transgenerational trauma. We can give therapy to your ancestors and heal the vortex of handed-down trauma. &nbsp;</span><br></p><p class="brz-fss-lg-px brz-fw-lg-400 brz-ls-lg-0 brz-lh-lg-1_3 brz-tp-lg-empty brz-ff-overpass brz-ft-google brz-fs-lg-20 brz-css-thdgs"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">In the sessions, we begin by making you feel safe. Often your nervous system is dysregulated and out of sync. So we add resources to stabilise your sense of self. I use meditation techniques and tapping to connect you with your body. This is because your feelings are mostly in your body. We love and befriend your self with compassion.&nbsp;</span><br></p><p class="brz-fss-lg-px brz-fw-lg-400 brz-ls-lg-0 brz-lh-lg-1_3 brz-tp-lg-empty brz-ff-overpass brz-ft-google brz-fs-lg-20 brz-css-wemxd"><span class="brz-cp-color3">We can begin to locate a current problem ie ye old panic. We can find the overactive part, desensitise the trauma and dialogue with the part. We can bridge back to your childhood and locate the source of loneliness or abandonment or shame. Often emotional problems relate to you losing touch with your inner child. So we give these 'hurt' parts a hug.&nbsp;</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">IFS, on the other hand, is a psychotherapeutic model developed by Richard Schwartz in the 1980s. It views the mind as made up of relatively discrete subpersonalities, each with its own viewpoint and qualities. IFS aims to understand and harmonize these subpersonalities or "parts" and to help individuals become more self-led.</span><br></p><figure id="figure-jqjl2ekdwlpzki5op"><img id="jqjl2ekdwlpzki5op" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1493836512294-502baa1986e2?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMHx8SUZTJTIwVGhlcmFweXxlbnwwfHx8fDE3MDIyMTc3NTl8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" alt="IFS Therapy" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-mce-src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1493836512294-502baa1986e2?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMHx8SUZTJTIwVGhlcmFweXxlbnwwfHx8fDE3MDIyMTc3NTl8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure><p><br></p>

How does IFS informed EMDR work?

<h2>Understanding Narcissistic Abuse</h2>
<p>Narcissistic abuse is a complex and often covert type of emotional abuse perpetrated by someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or narcissistic traits. It can involve manipulation, gaslighting, and other psychological tactics that can deeply affect the well-being of the victim. Recognizing the signs of narcissistic abuse is the first step to taking a non-reactive approach to dealing with it.</p>

<figure id="figure-0haokq6xlpw55t71"><img id="0haokq6xlpw55t71" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1609852234838-147db6815968?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxN3x8cHN5Y2hvbG9naWNhbCUyMG1hbmlwdWxhdGlvbnxlbnwwfHx8fDE3MDIwMTA1OTF8MA&ixlib=rb-4.0.3&q=80&w=1080" alt="psychological manipulation" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9"></figure>

<h3>Recognizing the Signs</h3>
<p>The signs of narcissistic abuse can often be subtle and insidious. It may start with occasional put-downs that escalate over time, or a pattern of control and dominance that emerges slowly. Victims might notice they feel more anxious, less confident, or even question their own sanity. Common signs include constant criticism, emotional blackmail, gaslighting, and a lack of empathy from the abuser.</p>

<h2>Adopting a Non-Reactive Approach</h2>
<p>Reacting to narcissistic abuse often fuels the narcissist's need for control and attention. A non-reactive approach, on the other hand, involves maintaining emotional distance and refusing to engage in the drama. This does not mean accepting the abuse, but rather choosing your responses carefully to avoid escalation and protect your mental health.</p>

<figure id="figure-27640konnelpw564sj"><img id="27640konnelpw564sj" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1701818587533-cea55ff40ef5?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwyfHxlbW90aW9uYWwlMjBkaXN0YW5jZXxlbnwwfHx8fDE3MDIwMTA2MDZ8MA&ixlib=rb-4.0.3&q=80&w=1080" alt="emotional distance" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9"></figure>

<h3>Setting Boundaries</h3>
<p>Setting firm boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissist. This means clearly communicating what behaviors you will not tolerate and sticking to those limits. Boundaries are not meant to punish the abuser but to give you space and control over your interactions. When a boundary is crossed, follow through with the consequence you’ve set, which may include disengaging from the conversation or even the relationship.</p>

<h3>Staying Centered</h3>
<p>Staying centered and grounded is key to not reacting emotionally to provocations. This could involve mindfulness practices, meditation, or simply taking a few deep breaths before responding to the narcissist. Remembering your worth and not allowing the narcissist to define your reality can help you maintain an inner sense of peace.</p>

<figure id="figure-pzn4ejwoulpw56d7o"><img id="pzn4ejwoulpw56d7o" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1593810451137-5dc55105dace?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwyMXx8bWluZGZ1bG5lc3MlMjBtZWRpdGF0aW9ufGVufDB8fHx8MTcwMjAxMDYxNnww&ixlib=rb-4.0.3&q=80&w=1080" alt="mindfulness meditation" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9"></figure>

<h3>Seeking Support</h3>
<p>Dealing with narcissistic abuse can be isolating, as the abuser often tries to cut off their victim's support network. Seeking support from friends, family, or a professional therapist can provide the validation and strength needed to stay non-reactive. Support groups specifically for survivors of narcissistic abuse can also be invaluable.</p>

<h2>Responding Instead of Reacting</h2>
<p>There's a significant difference between responding and reacting. Reacting is often emotional and immediate, while responding is thoughtful and deliberate. When you respond, you take the time to consider the best course of action that aligns with your boundaries and well-being.</p>

<h3>Documenting Interactions</h3>
<p>Keeping a record of interactions with the narcissist can be helpful, especially if you need to enforce legal boundaries or seek a restraining order. Documentation can also serve as a personal reminder of the reality of the situation, which the narcissist may try to distort.</p>

<h2>Moving Forward</h2>
<p>Ultimately, the goal is to move forward from the abuse and heal. This may involve cutting ties with the narcissist or drastically changing the nature of your relationship with them. Healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey that takes time, self-compassion, and often professional guidance. It's important to prioritize your own growth and well-being above the demands of the narcissist.</p>

<figure id="figure-s2drucp35olpw56tjt"><img id="s2drucp35olpw56tjt" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1470472304068-4398a9daab00?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwyMHx8cGVyc29uYWwlMjBncm93dGglMjBqb3VybmV5fGVufDB8fHx8MTcwMjAxMDYzOHww&ixlib=rb-4.0.3&q=80&w=1080" alt="personal growth journey" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9"></figure>

<p>Adopting a non-reactive approach to narcissistic abuse is a powerful strategy that can help victims regain control of their lives. By setting boundaries, seeking support, and choosing to respond rather than react, you can create a protective emotional barrier between yourself and the abuser. Remember, while you may not be able to change the narcissist's behavior, you can change how you interact with them and how you allow it to affect you.</p>

A non-reactive approach to narcissistic abuse.

<p>The Codependency Paradox - don’t try harder: your tendency to feed the abuser will attract &nbsp;further abuse.&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;Give up and return to your body.&nbsp;</p><p>There is self defeat in ‘surviving’ by living on the treadmill of people pleasing and fawning, hoping to get some scraps from the narcissist’s table.&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;But you are shovelling coal into the mouth of the dragon - who is always hungry for more coal.&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;So you’ll become the slave to the monster forever, and the codependent will be rewarded and reinforced and even be unconscious to this: you’ll be a slave for life and you won’t even know it.&nbsp;</p><h2>Understanding Codependency</h2><p>Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. It is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.</p><h2>What is EMDR?</h2><p>Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy treatment that was originally designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories. It is a powerful method that can help people who suffer from anxiety, panic, disturbing memories, post-traumatic stress disorder, and many other emotional problems.</p><h2>How EMDR Can Help in Healing Codependency</h2><p>EMDR can be a highly effective therapy for those struggling with codependency. It allows individuals to access and process traumatic memories or experiences that are often the root cause of codependency. By processing these experiences, individuals can learn healthier ways of relating to others and themselves.</p><figure id="figure-krz6bmvs4lpv2w3n9"><img id="krz6bmvs4lpv2w3n9" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1544027993-37dbfe43562a?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwyOHx8ZW1kciUyMHRoZXJhcHl8ZW58MHx8fHwxNzAxOTQ1OTU0fDA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" alt="emdr therapy" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" data-mce-src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1544027993-37dbfe43562a?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwyOHx8ZW1kciUyMHRoZXJhcHl8ZW58MHx8fHwxNzAxOTQ1OTU0fDA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></figure><h3>The EMDR Process</h3><p>EMDR therapy involves focusing on a traumatic or disturbing memory while receiving one type of bilateral sensory input, such as side-to-side eye movements. This process can help to reduce the vividness and emotional intensity of the memory. It is believed that EMDR can help to change the way these memories are stored in the brain, making them less powerful and less distressing.</p><h3>Benefits of EMDR for Codependency</h3><p>EMDR therapy can offer numerous benefits for individuals struggling with codependency. <strong>These include:</strong></p><ol><li>Reduced anxiety and panic</li><li>Increased self-esteem and self-confidence</li><li>Improved ability to form healthy relationships</li><li>Ability to set and maintain boundaries</li></ol><h2>Seeking Help</h2><p>It's important to remember that healing from codependency is a process. It takes time and patience. If you or someone you know is struggling with codependency, it's crucial to seek help. A trained professional can guide you through the process of healing and help you develop healthier relationships.</p><h2>Conclusion</h2><p>In conclusion, EMDR is a powerful tool that can help individuals heal from codependency. It allows individuals to process traumatic experiences, change the way these memories are stored in the brain, and develop healthier ways of relating to others. If you're struggling with codependency, consider seeking help and exploring the benefits of EMDR therapy.</p>

Healing codependency with EMDR.

<h2>Understanding Your Busy 'Front End'</h2>

<p>The term 'front end' is often used in the tech world to describe the user interface of a software or website. However, in this context, we are using it to describe the busy, intellectualising parts of our minds. These are the parts that are constantly analysing, planning, and problem-solving. While these skills are essential, they can also become overwhelming if we don't balance them with our more intuitive, 'back end' parts.</p>

<image:brain diagram/>

<h2>Befriending Your 'Front End'</h2>

<p>So, how do we befriend these busy parts of our minds? The first step is to recognise that they are not our enemies. They are simply doing their best to keep us safe and successful. However, like a well-meaning friend who gives too much advice, they can become overbearing. The key is to find a way to work with them, rather than against them.</p>

<h3>Recognising the Signs</h3>

<p>How do you know when your 'front end' is in overdrive? Some common signs include feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or constantly 'on edge'. You may find it hard to relax, even when you have time to do so. You might also notice that you're always thinking about what you need to do next, rather than being present in the moment.</p>

<image:stress symptoms/>

<h3>Creating a Dialogue</h3>

<p>Once you've recognised the signs, the next step is to create a dialogue with your 'front end'. This might sound strange, but it's a powerful way to gain insight into your thought patterns. Start by asking yourself questions like "What am I worried about?" or "What problem am I trying to solve?" By understanding your concerns, you can start to address them in a more balanced way.</p>

<h2>Strategies for Balance</h2>

<p>There are several strategies you can use to balance your busy 'front end'. One of the most effective is mindfulness, which involves focusing on the present moment without judgement. This can help you to step back from your thoughts and see them for what they are: just thoughts, not facts.</p>

<figure id="figure-y1kn9bkziklpv2qzi8"><img id="y1kn9bkziklpv2qzi8" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1602192509154-0b900ee1f851?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&ixid=M3wyNjI5NjF8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw2fHxtaW5kZnVsbmVzcyUyMG1lZGl0YXRpb258ZW58MHx8fHwxNzAxODc2MDcxfDA&ixlib=rb-4.0.3&q=80&w=1080" alt="mindfulness meditation" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9"></figure>

<h3>Practising Mindfulness</h3>

<p>Practising mindfulness can be as simple as taking a few minutes each day to focus on your breath. You can also try activities like yoga or meditation, which are designed to help you connect with your body and quiet your mind. Remember, the goal is not to stop thinking, but to change your relationship with your thoughts.</p>

<h3>Seeking Support</h3>

<p>If you're finding it hard to balance your 'front end', it can be helpful to seek support. This could be a trusted friend or family member, a coach, or a mental health professional. Remember, it's okay to ask for help. You don't have to do this alone.</p>

<h2>Embracing Your